youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
