I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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