Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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