WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
