R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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