I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
