my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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