I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
