i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize