And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
