i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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