Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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