My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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