it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
