Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize