Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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