I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Randomize
