no, he came in my armpit
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
