jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
