Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
