I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My liver just broke up with me...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
