I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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