Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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