apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize