Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
