My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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