So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
