he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
