Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
