They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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