The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh god it's open bar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
