All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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