Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
