I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!