my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
