dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
