finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
