Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she told me i tasted like america
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
