So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
