im six kinds of drunk right now
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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