Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
