hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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