OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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