Kiss
Puke
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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