Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
