haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
