4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
