Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
