Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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