i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
