Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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