I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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