Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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