My boss' voice literally gives me gas
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
