I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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