so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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