i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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