He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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