I got chris browned last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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