my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
