with your own penis?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
