Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
