Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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