Your mouth is God's brothel.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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