nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
